Saturday, January 27, 2007

I Don't Get People

Something has happened that has, yet again, astigmatized my view of my/the world. I am a very reliable person. If you need me, I am there. If I can not be there for you, then I will do my utmost to explain and offer you reason/s why not. But it is very rare that I am not there for people.

Partner says that most people in the world are not reliable. But what about your friends?

Perhaps I need to lower my expectations. But I didn't think they were that high to begin with?


healthpsych said...

I think it very much depends on the definition of friends. I like the German language distinction of 'Freund' (friend) versus 'Bekannter' (acquaintance). When I lived in Germany, the distinction was quite rigid and it took quite a while to be 'transferred' from one status to the other. Sensible, I think.
Friends are those you can undoubtedly rely on whereas acquaintances not so much. My partner had heaps of friends when we truth, lots of acquaintances, a few good friends as the years have shown.

Patient Anonymous said...

I completely understand the difference. Absolutely. In fact, I tend to divy up the two in my head quite a bit. But yesterday's debacle occurred with someone I am close to and I've known for years; it was pre-planned and a rather important thing. Long boring story which I won't torture everyone with.

I just tend to have a very bad track record of "unreliable" friends, nevertheless. For example, with one, I'm still awaiting a call back from when my grandmother ("Nana") died last fall. Rather late to return a sympathy call? I don't even know where this "friend" is or what is going on and I am always making the overtures.

Now, I'm a very forgiving person. I'm very understanding. I know that people are busy and I would never assume to be the number one thing in everyone else's life but when stuff like this happens, it hurts and it triggers all sorts of shit, betrayals from the past and it just makes me feel like complete crap.

It makes me just want to say:

"That's it! I don't want people in my life! I don't need you! You are never there for me when I need you anyway so what's the point! You can all just go and bloody fuck off!"

Now, I understand this is a little ridiculous and (over)reactionary. I've done "the hermit thing" and it's not always good. At least for extended periods of time. Humans are social creatures and eventually, we all need to come out of our shells for some type of companionship (even if we do end up getting dumped on in the process.)

Well, that was more than I intended on writing but, oh well... I guess I'm still feeling a bit worked up and upset about it all.

chrysalis angel said...

I'm sorry a friend has let you down P.A.. Human nature is an interesting thing. I choose people cautiously. If they've got a mean streak in them, they can pass on by. Quality is definitely more important than quantity in my book.

Patient Anonymous said...

Thanks c.a., I agree with you about quality over quantity. Always have (except with my blog posts haha--sorry, needing some humour right now.) Problem is, there has always been less quantity (or a lack of quantity) and when you start to question (over and over) the quality of what little quantity you have...? Well?

I'm not saying that about this one person right now--he has the url for this blog (yes some people in real life do know PA is in fact "PA" and therefore not so "Anonymous") but I don't know if they even read it! No one's ever mentioned it so there you go! Again, people that I know in real life are not even paying attention to my blog!

So yes, quality, quantity and the lack of the quality of your quantity. Sometimes when you do take a look around and take stock, as I've done many times, you tend to realize that there's really not much there.

Ditto for family but you and I already covered that somewhere else on this blog! It's when your "chosen family" starts to disintegrate as well, then you're really screwed. Or you try and make a new one if you can pull yourself up off the floor.