Thursday, March 15, 2007

Back From My Physical

So I had to go for my annual physical with my GP this morning. As suspected I have indeed lost more weight. The total should be about 20lbs. now. I am eating. At least something. And supplementing with Ensure. Crap, I had a rather healthy portion of spaghetti last night for dinner! I skipped the salad but that's mostly water anyway, right? I thought I'd just shovel in the carbs and the protein.

My GP was rather concerned. She asked if I am exercising. HA! Nope. For one thing, I'm too lazy and for another I'm too drained and exhausted--both mentally and physically these days. I do walk a little bit on work days for my commute? I don't know how much that counts. I know people say that exercise is good for those of us who are psych/neuro disordered but even when I tried I never seemed to reap any benefit. Cycling mostly. As in riding a bike, not being Bipolar.

Sorry, bad joke.

We will need to follow up soon after the upper endoscopy and colonoscopy next month to find out what on earth is going on. My cluster of symptoms seem to "look" like four things. Two of them start with a "C" and two of them start with an "I." I'm not jumping to any conclusions but I'm not ruling anything out.

But the weight loss is troubling and bizarre.

We also went over my psych evals and she was just about as peeved as I was about the last one. She couldn't understand why psychiatirst #2 refused me ongoing treatment. I also brought up Aspergers and she didn't bat an eyelash. We're going to get the two evals back, review them, I suppose and she is going to try and find yet another psychiatrist for a consult as she really wants me to see someone who will agree to monitor me on a regular basis. I mean, I know I have a complex brain but I'm beginning to feel like a neurological leper. And a social one too.

During my exam, I rambled on and on about how fucked up my life has been and is of late, I told her about my recent cutting...anything else?

She asked me to come back in a month and hopefully she will have the results of *everything* and hopefully a better psychiatrist to help me out. So as far as my head goes, no med changes as of yet. She booked me in for 30 minuntes which are her types of "counselling" appointments. She wants to spend more time talking with me as I guess both my body and my life are rather chaotic.

I think I have been lucky to find a real gem. Even if I have to travel a bit of a distance to see her each time.


Anonymous Mom said...

how's it going PA, hope all is well.

Patient Anonymous said...

Hi anonymous mom. Well, I don't quite know how to answer that question. Have you perused my blog posts recently? I don't mean to be an ass but well, I am kind of facing some challenges.

I don't want to alienate you or anything but well, here's the run down:

My family sucks (except my sister.)

My mental and physical health is completly topsy turvy and no one seems to know what is going on. No psychiatrists wants to "deal" with me. Yay me.

I seem to be doing a lot of self-diagnosing in the mental arena which is fine (although not really advocated) but I am comfortable with it if I can't find a shrink that can do it. However, my GP is not so comfortable with her abilities to treat me in that area so she is still trying to find me a psychiatrist. On and on it goes. I hope I can keep maintaining my current level of functioning until *someone* will "adopt" me.

Physically, the gastro stuff is on "hold" until the scopes can be done. Ooooh...mystery awaits.

My relationship bust up is causing an entire spectra of emotions--I don't think I'm cycling and my meds are holding but I AM showing cracks in my exterior/interior...I can't tell. I decided to go for a "liquid lunch" to deal with it all today.

Anyway, anonymous mom, I've really valued you coming by and commenting and reading. I hope you don't think I'm coming off as some venomous spewing bitch in response to your comment.

I guess things are just well...rather chaotic?

Take care and I hope you come back?

Anonymous Mom said...

i guess i just wanted to let you know i was here and reading...though you probably have a stat counter or something that tells you that.
i don't think you're being an ass or a bitch... i think you're having a damn rough time. wish i knew the magic words to help, but i don't - so instead i say "hope all is well".
you take care, too PA.

Patient Anonymous said...

Thank you being understanding anonymous mom. Maybe I just needed a good rant yesterday and I didn't think it was directed at you. It really means a lot and you're right, at least you are commenting and that means so very much to me.

My stats counter is google analytics and free as I'm el cheapo (haha.) It doesn't seem to identify users based upon their IDs so I don't know who visits when etc... So actually no, I can't actually peg exactly *when* specific users are here or not!

Unless I'm not using my stats too properly. I don't think it has an IP address look up...

Anyway, on the agenda for today is some apartment hunting. I guess that might make for an interesting blog post? Or maybe not...