Friday, February 2, 2007

Wolfden Bar And Grill: Epiosode 7

Well everyone, here is my "contribution." I apologize in advance. I sincerely hope that no one is offended as well; I'm still not sure as to my level of "offensiveness" in some situations with people. All is meant in humour and as I am a little "offbeat,"well, I guess I'll just let you all decide.

Since I don't really know most of you--in fact, the majority of you I know absolutely nothing about, my main goal was to ensure that everyone got at least a mention in the story and that something was relevant to you? Sort of? Maybe? Some of you were just named.

Also, I don't think I really advanced the plot. If anything, I think I regressed it. Again, apologies...especially to Pamela who is next in line.

Here are the preceding episodes:

Part One by Wolfbaby
Part Two by Cathy
Part Three by Smalltown RN
Part Four by Willow Tree
Part Five by Dr. Rob
Part Six by JIP

So without further adieu...

Talk about spinning rooms. Who’s idea was it to start pouring all that Jagermeister and Tequila? And did someone put a copy of Crocodile Dundee into the DVD player? That is the most ridiculous portrayal of Australian “culture” ever! Or maybe that was just a dream. After force feeding us that much alcohol (was it just alcohol?…quickly surveys room to do clothing check—eyes Willow Tree furtively…) was this JIP’s vain attempt to try and stop the coup by the “BloggERs, Booze and Brazillians” cartel? By some weird form of hypnosis via B-Movie followed by Fire and Brimstone oratory to try and think that we’d actually been spirited away in some space-time warp to Oz? Did they really thing that the cartel was that obtuse?

Well, maybe they were but that remains to be seen.

Patient Anonymous was the first to wake up. She’s an early riser—sleep issues. Everyone else was in various states of disrepair, strewn across the bar.

Mysti and Pamela’s paints, brushes and tarps were still askew against the wall. They had decided to “fix up” the Wolfden a bit but it seems there was some debate about exactly what sort of paintings should appear upon the walls. Wolfbaby didn’t care. As long as everyone was “happy.” Happy? HA! There had been near warfare breaking out over that too! Some religious inspired frescoes? Dreaming Again was happy to offer her opinion on some suitable ideas but others leaned more toward landscapes or impressionistic works. And others, even still to something completely modern and/or abstract. It seems no one could settle on one theme so thankfully there was lots of wall space in the Wolfden. It might be the most bizarrely decorated place in the history of bars. Period.

“The Writer’s Corner” inhabited by Pearls and Dreams, Karmyn and Susan lay in tatters as well. Not sure what was happening over there. Ipanema spent a lot of time with that crew. She was the Chief Proofreader. She was smart and insightful. Fallen Angels and Jungle Tart would also frequent the tables conveniently joined together for maximum area for lots of spirited discussion and debate. Unfortunately that meant that not a lot of writing got done.

Patient Anonymous set about making some coffee for everyone. No doubt they needed it. Heather was the first to wake up. Patient Anonymous asked her how she was feeling.

“A little oysgeshpilt,” Heather said.

“Got in himmel, I know what you mean!” Patient Anonymous responded in kind.

Cathy raised her head and stared at them strangely.

“It’s Yiddish,” they both said in unison.

Patient Anonymous was concerned, however. Only she knew why The Laundress wasn’t speaking. She felt truly terrible about it and was trying to figure out how to rectify the situation but was very embarrassed to tell the cartel.

You see, she thought she had perfected the technique of “The Painless Brazillian” and The Laundress had agreed to be a “test subject.” But it seems that Patient Anonymous needed to go back to the lab and “touch things up a bit.” Things hadn’t worked out quite as planned with The Laundress. As a, sort of, gift of apology, Patient Anonymous mail ordered some anime and had it sent to the Laundress as she too is a fan but the distributor messed up and sent some really bad hentai and now The Laundress seems to be rather afraid of Patient Anonymous. Somehow, Patient Anonymous was still determined to make things up to The Laundress, however. It was all just a big mistake!

As people slowly began to rouse from their various states of consciousness, Patient Anonymous hurried back over to her area of the bar with Dr. A, Dr. Rob, A Difficult Patient and Smalltown RN. She pushed aside all of their bar glasses, laptops, gadgets and gizmos and laid her arms across the table in a business-like manner.

“Guys, I know you’re all really hungover and we’ve got to get back on track with the whole takeover thing and all of that—that is if you’re still into it…I mean, I’m kind of tired but…”

She paused.

“…can we talk about some of your ethics training here? It may not apply since Willow Tree isn’t a medical professional but I’m actually quite concerned about what he’s done. I mean, do we even know if any of these women wanted to get pregnant?! It’s like some kind of “cyber assault!” And I’m rather worried about Beth. What if she’s next. I know we’ve got some other very pressing things on our mind but I just can’t stop thinking of all of these pregnancies! I’m a little upset. And by the way, do any of you guys have a prescription pad handy…?"

EDIT: MOOFIE! *SLAPS FOREHEAD* I just went back and looked at the list and I forgot to insert you into my piece. Please forgive me. I stink.


D.P. said...

I think we need to discuss the whole "Brazilian" thing before we take over the Wolfden . . .I sure don't want to be the next guinea pig! ;o) LOL!

Patient Anonymous said...

d.p., if someone can get me back into the lab we might be okay! Hey, I even wrote in my profile that "my chemistry kind of sucks."

Karmyn said...

At least you got us out of Australia!!! hee hee. It should be interesting to see what happens with the Laundress - Good job.

Patient Anonymous said...

Thanks karmyn, I've never been to Oz so I had no clue how to write about it! Trying to fake it would have been (more) disastrous.

Cathy said...

PA, I think this was perfect! You actually seem to know us all pretty well for not really knowing us much at all. When I read "oysgeshpilt"....I was thinking...come again? and then don't you know, the very next sentence, you had me not knowing what you were talking about.

Great job!! I am linking to it right now.

wolfbaby said...

This was great;) You did a fantastic job!!! Thank you so much for taking the time to do this;)

jumpinginpuddles said...

hehehehe very good and very witty

Pamela said...

I'm having a panic attack

Dreaming again said...

I could have sworn I hadn't taken my ambien yet! Maybe I should read this after I take my ambien!

ROFLMHO!!! Too funny!!

ipanema said...

lol...really fun and spontaneous. I like the word "oysgeshpilt". :)

Patient Anonymous said...

Hi cathy, wolfbaby, JIP and pamela...oh, and dreaming again and ipanema:

All of your comments weren't there when I just started to leave my comment! I think I'm hallucinating or Blogger is doing something weird.

You are all too kind. I find/found this little project actually quite challenging. It's a lot harder than the shorter version of everyone just adding a sentence and carrying on.

Oysgeshpilt is one of my absolute, favourite yiddish words. I had to find some way to fit it in there somewhere haha.

No said...

Oh, no, I'm next....Whatever shall I do?

Thanks for including me.


Patient Anonymous said...

No problem beth. And hey, you never could be spared!

willowtree said...

Holy Shit!

Now that's my kind of Soap! I'm still laughing. There are things that I wish was, but being Laundress is not one of them. Fuck she's taking a hammering!

I was wondering how you'd get out of the mess JIP left for you. Never did it occur to me that the old 'Bobby Ewing in the shower' ploy would do the trick.

Patient Anonymous said...

Hi willowtree, your comment brought a smile to this tired, bag of shit, face of mine today. Thank you.

I had to do some Googling as good ol' Dallas was oh so long ago... I think I understand what you are saying now--I used a sort of, dream sequence to move us along?

Yeah, I still haven't heard from my pal (at least I hope she still is!) Laundress. I'm really hoping she can appreciate my playful poke at her in this.

Please Laundress? It's all just in fun! You know I love you!

The Laundress said...

Oh boy, PA,

I enjoyed your contribution! You did a lot of funny stuff, great read.

Loved that you have me watching your hentai.

That bumped me into a good memory from a decade or more ago...

My poor husband once went to the video store after we had squabbled and tried to rent some anime -- kind of a peace offering. He had been teasing me for watching anime (and being a mental lightweight) and wanted to apologize but never viewed any anime himself.

He came back with something truly amazing involving blue penis-monsters. Never seen the likes of that before or since.

He kept gasping, "Is this what you watch with your friends?".

It was too funny. I couldn't speak. My guy is a PRUDE, this film just horrified him. And it was so oddly endearing and goofy, it just did not seem pornographic to me, just silly. We had VERY different viewing experiences on that title.

Well, you have done a mighty fine job here and made the series bounce along at a good clip.

Thank you!


Patient Anonymous said...

Hey dear laundress...I've been waiting for you!

That's a funny story about you and your husband. Yes, I get ticked when people get down on us "anime geeks" and think that we're a bunch of otaku losers.

I'm actually a bit of an anime virgin. I was hooked when I first watched "Star Blazers" as a kid. I wanted to be Derek Wildstar SO bad and yes, I DID fall in love with Nova. I mean, who couldn't? She's hot! I plan on buying the full series shortly--it's going to cost me a fortune but I have so few good memories from childhood, I feel that it will be worth every penny.

But it went off air and growing up in a small town, there was no anime to be found and I just kind of, I don't know, lost touch with it, no one else I knew of cared or knew anything else about it more anime for me!

I'm making up for lost time now though! My DVD collection is quickly growing and I am beginning to explore manga that may interest me as well.

I've actually never watched any hentai. Tentacles? I mean, that doesn't really appeal to me. I'd be open to watching pretty much anything but I'm pretty sure that it would be all very silly, yes.

I did buy FAKE which is Yaoi in content but I did find it rather disappointing.

On a better note, I just purchased and read "12 Days" by June Kim (manga released by TokyoPop.) I really liked it.

Alright, geeky otaku (I know perhaps a little redundant)...over and out.


Willowtree said...

Yep, you got it! That's exactly what I meant.

I'm not huge anime fan, but I do like it, same goes for manga. Not so much for hentai. But sushi, now that's a diferrent matter entirely, I love that shit!

Patient Anonymous said...

You're funny willowtree. Good to hear that I was on the right track. Sometimes text-only communication messes with my brain!

I prefer my sushi, vegetarian...and hold the wasabi! I like heat but the flavour of that...blech. It's the wrong kind of spice for my palate.